


14 - make me say the truth (telling lies)

by kaiohtic



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-09-08 15:27:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8850289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaiohtic/pseuds/kaiohtic
Summary: Some things are better left unsaid, Sehun thinks, and sometimes, that makes telling lies unavoidable





	

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote angst this time because the prompt was calling for it. i'm sorry ;u;

The sound of his ringtone has always been able to lift his spirits, but lately, Sehun finds himself dreading to hear the melody that Jongin himself has chosen.  
  
His boyfriend is calling and Sehun is anything but happy, although he should, considering their long distance relationship. But - he is not. And because he’s not happy, he doesn’t answer right away but takes a deep breath first, eyes closed, so he can gather strength to put up an act, pretending to be in high spirits.  
  
“Jongin!” He chirps into the phone and is relieved to hear Jongin’s laughter in response.  
  
“You sound way too happy,” Jongin remarks, and the uneasiness is back, although Jongin is just teasing him, saying that he seems more content without Jongin around. Oh, how wrong he is, but Sehun doesn’t have the heart to tell the truth.  
  
“I’m always happy to hear from you, that’s all,” Sehun says and Jongin hums. “I missed you a lot.” That, at least, was no lie.  
  
“How is work?” Sehun asks, before Jongin can ask him anything about the life he is leading now, still in the countryside. He didn’t go to Seoul when Jongin begged him to tag along, he just _couldn’t_. He had his life here, a path that has already been decided for him. His parents own a tea plantation, and as the only child he is expected to continue the family tradition. Sehun could have rebelled, but one look in his grandfather’s kind eyes and his own eyes moistened. He can’t betray his family, not when he’s been so loved and sheltered.  
  
“The same,” Jongin says, and Sehun can hear it in his voice, how excited he is, the passion never dying down. Because Jongin is the born dancer and the stage was made for him, he belongs to the national ballet, not to some village most people have never heard of.  
  
“And yet, it’s never the same. Everyday, I practice, but although it’s the same routines, it feels different. It’s the small things, the details that makes every show unique, I tell you. I really want you to come here and see it at least once.”  
  
“I wish I could,” Sehun whispers.  
  
  
  
  
  
As one of the main dancers of the stage production, Jongin’s free time is limited. He has to give interviews sometimes, and because of his handsome face, he has been modeling a bit as well. It’s rare for them to be able to phone each other and hear each other’s voice, and it’s even rarer for them to skype.  
  
“Sehun?”  
  
“Hm?”  
  
The static in the background annoys him somewhat, but this is the best they could do when they miss each other so much they feel barely alive. Sometimes Sehun feels numb, the same way one does after spending a lot of time outside, in the cold. Jongin is his sun, his source of warmth, and not being able to see him has turned Sehun into a barely living human. He works on routine, like a machinery, not a person, but this is still better than-  
  
“Sehunnie, Sehun, what are you thinking about?”  
  
His attention is drawn back to the screen where Jongin’s worried face comes into view.  
  
“You,” Sehun says and grins, but Jongin doesn’t buy it. He’s more attentive today and more quiet, too, not talking as much as usual. It makes the whole situation more awkward for Sehun who tenses up despite his efforts to display a happy, cheerful side.  
  
“And you look very pale and sickly, too,” Jongin says quietly.  
  
“That’s because of the bad lighting and the camera,” Sehun says sweetly. At least he tries to sound sweet, but he’s not sure if he managed. He’s numb, he can’t tell.  
  
“Have you been eating well? Should I take a vacation and come home?”  
  
“I’m fine,” Sehun reassures. “Really, it’s just the lighting.”  
  
  
  
  
  
“How long are you going to keep this up?”  
  
Sehun keeps quiet. He doesn’t owe anyone an answer, least of all Chanyeol, although he knows he should be grateful for his friend to care so much. He doesn’t want Chanyeol to care though. In that aspect, their relationship resembles his relationship with Jongin. It’s burdensome when people care - for both the one who’s caring, and the one who the other worries about. Because no one wants to be a burden to the ones they love.  
  
“Sehun. Look at me.”  
  
Sehun follows the older male’s instruction and looks up. By Chanyeol’s expression he can tell that he doesn’t look good - Chanyeol is wincing.  
  
“You need to tell Jongin what’s going on. You need him and he wants to be there for you. Do you really want to break apart that much? Please tell him, I beg of you.”  
  
But does it matter if Jongin breaks up with him because he feels like Sehun is keeping secrets from him? If Jongin doesn’t break up despite knowing how much help Sehun needs, then Sehun would. Because he really, really can’t be the one to pull Jongin away from his dreams. He loves Jongin too much to kill the light in his eyes, the warming fire in his heart.  
  
  
  
  
  
“Jongin?” Sehun asks, perplexed when he finds Jongin stopping by his office. Sehun was inmidst of reading through documents and controlling plans when Jongin has rushed inside with his assistant in tow.  
  
“You don’t look well,” Jongin says instead of a greeting. Jongin doesn’t kiss him either. He is just staring at him with so much pain contorting his face that Sehun thinks he’s not feeling cold anymore, but ice cold. He feels more numb than ever, not even Jongin’s presence can warm him up.  
  
Maybe it’s because the visit has been so brief. Jongin is back at home because he forgot his passport, so he has decided to visit parents and boyfriend in one go. His vacation is short though - he only has a day.  
  
Sehun is the last stop in his home town, and Jongin’s manager - since when does Jongin have a personal assistant? - keeps urging him to hurry up and keep it brief. Jongin looks defeated when despite him pressing, Sehun doesn’t open up.  
  
“We’ll talk about this the next time I’m back. I will be back, Sehun. Soon.”  
  
  
  
  
  
Jongin keeps his words. He’s back three weeks later and this time, he has taken a whole week of vacation. Sehun is still stubborn despite Jongin’s persistence. He doesn’t say a word and is thankful that Jongin has the decency not to disrupt his work at the farm. Sehun is busy enough trying to find new business partners who are willing to pay a good price for his goods.  
  
“It’s because of work, right?” Jongin asks Sehun on the second night. They are in bed together, but Sehun isn’t cuddled close to Jongin as usual, and Jongin doesn’t pull him closer like he did before. Sehun isn’t too sure what to think of that. Is Jongin tired of him now? Does he want to break up now?  
  
“Sehun, you need to tell me,” Jongin keeps pressing, but Sehun just closes his eyes and pretends to be asleep. Jongin can’t see his face in the dark anyways.  
  
“I know you’re awake,” Jongin says. “And believe me, my patience is wearing thin now. I don’t want to threaten you ever, but if you don’t tell me, I swear I’ll drag you to Seoul with me. I’ll personally drive you to hospital and let them check you thoroughly. I won’t let you go back home until you’re well again.”  
  
“But I am fine,” Sehun whispers. He knows he’s lying for he is frowning and tears are threatening to spill over.  
  
“Your voice is shaky, Sehun. You’re not fine.”  
  
Of course Sehun is not. It’s when Jongin finally pulls him into strong arms and a sturdy chest that Sehun breaks. He spills. He tells Jongin everything - how desperately he has tried to save their business and how much he loves everyone, how much he loves his late parents and his grandparents.  
  
“I can’t just sell this place, and I can’t let anyone else work in my position,” Sehun whispers. “No one will do a good, thorough job. Because strangers aren’t doing it with their heart.”  
  
“But - “ and this is why Sehun has been struggling so much  
  
“I’m not doing it with all my heart either. My heart belongs to you, and it belongs to dance as well.”  
  
He confesses all that to Jongin and more. That he feels undeserving of his family’s love. That he’s not good enough or Jongin either. That he’s only a burden to everyone around him. And ultimately, he asks Jongin to let go of him when his tears run dry.  
  
“You know I can’t do that,” Jongin whispers and Sehun notices how shaky the other’s voice is, too. He wishes that he’s never told Jongin. If Jongin didn’t know, he wouldn’t feel miserable like this. It would have been easier to cut Jongin off cold-heartedly, without any explanation. Jongin would be sad, but he would be upset, too, and one day, he would forget.  
  
“You can,” Sehun insists. “You _should_.”  
  
“You don’t understand, Sehun,” Jongin murmurs. “You don’t. If I knew things would become like this… I would have never left for Seoul. I would have stayed here. Because a human can live without his limbs, but not without his heart. I can live without dancing, Sehun, but I can’t live without you.”  
  
  
  
  
  
They cried a lot after that. To Sehun, it was foolish of Jongin to offer coming back, so he doesn’t let Jongin. He kept refusing and forced jongin to continue, to go on and mesmerize the crowds, otherwise he would break up.  
  
“But what about you? I can’t leave you alone,” Jongin says. “You need me.”  
  
“I need you to do what you love, and you don’t love just me.” That is the truth, and they both know it.  
  
“I’ll be okay,” Sehun promises. “I have to. For you.”  
  
Jongin nods. He returns to Seoul without having solved the problem, except for Sehun’s promises of keeping him up to date, to never tell any lies again. And Sehun doesn’t plan on betraying anyone - he won’t give up on fulfilling his family’s wishes, but he won’t give up on Jongin and Jongin’s wishes either. If not now, some day in the future, they will find a way.


End file.
